Hello fellow Hummingbird Food-ers! It’s been a while, eh? Well, all I can say is sometimes life throws some curve balls at you, things shift and change, and that’s just the way it is. It’s all good though, because a little hummingbird once told me, CHANGE IS GOOD! 😉 

Good news… I’m pregnant with my second little babe! My husband and I are BEYOND excited to meet our new bundle of joy. Needless to say, life has been hectic and most days are spent just getting through the day in one piece. My son, who is now almost 2, always keeps us on our toes. Being tired has become a normal part of my day!

Okay, enough complaining! I am truly grateful for my family and what is to come, regardless of my tiredness and semi-swollen ankles 😉

As you can imagine, the topic of conversation in my life lately is my pregnancy, but more specifically – my changing body. It is hard to walk into a store these days without getting a second glance at my growing belly, or a kind stranger lending out a helping hand when they see me reaching for something high on the grocery store shelf. 

Then the questions follow… When are you due? Boy or girl? How are you feeling? Any other kids at home? 

Then the comments follow… a 1.5 year old? You must be exhausted! How do you do it? Just wait until the other one comes, you’ll forget what relaxation feels like! You look great! Your bump is adorable! What’s your secret? 

YIKES!!!

People mean well, I understand. But sometimes a pregnant gal just wants to be pregnant in peace. 

This leads me to the purpose of this post! I believe you are all familiar at this point with what my company is all about, and my personal history of body image/eating struggles. That being said, here I find myself, pregnant for the second time, 6 months as of today, and I feel HUGE. I feel uncomfortable (most of the time), my clothes fit weird, AND eating has become a strange thing for me these days with the heartburn, gas, nausea and food aversions that creep in occassionaly. Sleeping? Forget sleeping! That stage has made its debut. 

The funny thing is, for the first time in my life, despite all of this, I am truly okay with my body changing.

Thinking back a few years ago when I was pregnant with my son, I constantly critiqued and criticized myself on a daily basis. Mean thoughts constantly circulated in my mind. I would then find myself complaining to others how GROSS I felt…endlessly making fat jokes – laughing on the outside, but crying on the inside. 

I couldn’t handle my expanding body. All day long, thoughts of disgust consumed my brain, completely taking me away from the beautiful experience of creating and carrying another human being in my body. 

Instead of just being grateful for my little miracle, and reveling in the awesomeness of making a tiny human, I was more concerned about what people thought of me, meticulously planning out an exercise routine that I would begin as soon as I was physically able after my son’s birth – ready and raring to “fix” and change myself.  

I paid the price, I will tell you that.

My son was born and life was crazy. The usual sleepless nights and energy-draining days ensued. A typical day consisted of household tasks getting pushed aside, and dishes and dirty laundry piling up. And still, the only thought on my mind was, WHEN CAN I WORK OUT?!

Once I deemed myself ready to get back into it, I pushed. I pushed hard. I pushed so hard, that eventually my body started to fight back. Aching muscles and little pains started to creep in. I would rest for a bit and then jump right back in, with the sole intention of LOSING THE BABY WEIGHT! The sacred joy of movement became an activity that was only for my son and I on our lovely nature strolls together.

When it was just me, myself and I, it was all – no pain, no gain. 

I continued this type of behavior for a little over a year. Finally, my body reached a point of exhaustion. The abuse I placed on it, ignoring cues of over-exercise, caused her to put her metaphorical hand in the air and say:

GIRL – CHILL!

Message received. Back in high school I fractured my sacrum from a running/fall situation. About 15 years later I re-injured the same thing. I have not worked out in any way, shape, or form (unless you count getting a “Mother-to-be” massage), since the beginning of October when I found out I was pregnant. 

That’s right folks, I have not worked out in almost 5 months. And ya know what? I’m totally okay with that. 

I honestly believe my body was sending me a message with this latest injury. I also believe my baby-to-be is a message from the Universe, teaching me how to truly LOVE, not just another, but myself. 

I’ve been working hard to forgive myself and show my body gratitude for all of the years it supported me while I abused it, but I haven’t reached love status just yet. However, I can tell you that I feel closer than ever.

On occasion, I find myself sinking back into a toxic mindset, but there is something that simply doesn’t feel right about that way of thinking anymore. I guess you can say, it no longer resonates with me to say negative and verbally abusive words about my self and my body.

I feel above the nonsense. 

Yes, I’m looking “fat” these days, and my ankles are beginning to swell, and my thighs are touching, and my arms jiggle.

WHO REALLY CARES? 

I am so grateful for my son and for our little miracle on the way, and that is all I am concerned with. Will I be critical and self-conscious about myself once the baby is born and I look into the mirror for the first time? Possibly, but I’m okay with that. Why? Because I feel more confident than ever that any negative thoughts I encounter moving forward will disappear as quickly as they popped into my mind.

It feels like a never-ending pursuit at times, this search for true body acceptance and love, but so be it! I’m determined and dedicated to loving my self and my body, unconditionally. I will not give up. I will not abandon myself any longer. Enough is enough.

I’m ready to accept, respect and love what I’ve been given, and teach my children to do the same. 

My body is changing, and I’m okay with that. <3

Have you experienced something similar? Perhaps like me, you are also on the endless pursuit of body acceptance and love. I’d love to hear all about it in the comments below! We are all in this together, right?

I wish you a lovely and nourishing day! xoxo